To help us see clearly, everything clearly, no matter you want to see it or not. Oh, screw that pair of annoying glasses. Without them there won’t be that long and black hair in my dish, that tiny small hole on my favorite T-shirt, that much pimples on my girl friend’s nose…

To look scholarly, that is why those glasses without glass (only the frame) come into being.

To push when we do not know what to say, it is a perfect non-verbal equivalent of “you know” with the shortcoming of a lack of diversity. There are hardly as many as three ways to push a pair of glasses: from the middle, from the right side and from the left side. However, as to “you know”, we have “er…”, “em…”, “as we all know”, “as you all know” and abundant other variations. The fact that at one time you can use one or several of them further lowers the value of glasses-pushing in similar situations. If you do not want to be treated as mentally disabled, just avoid unnecessary repetition. Imagine someone continuously pushing his glasses in different ways in front of a hall of silent and wide-eyed audience without any explanation, trust me, you don’t want to be that one. Use this trick wisely if you do not want your sanity in question.

To hide your panda-like blackened eyes since yesterday you are punched in the face by certain love rival; to hide your reddened and swollen eyes since yesterday you watched that Titanic movie again though you have seen it for god-knows-how-many-times but still wept, cried, wailed, howled like a baby. Oops, I forget to tell you that this function may require your glasses’ second cousin from the mother’s side, sunglasses.

To cause chaos, compare a pair of glasses with a cell phone. The similarity is easy to find: you can never find both of them at the moment you need them the most. The difference is even more obvious: you cannot call your glasses when they disappear. Remember your glasses are never in the right mood to answer you even if they do have the necessary organs to do that. People who are looking for a cell phone normally have a pair of capable ears to locate it and are able to live an independent life without it. However, people separated from their glasses are normally half-blind, upset and have to rely on senses other than their sight to track down the runaway glasses. That is the moment when you see disoriented living zombies stretching their arms in front of their body stumble on their own feet. Unfortunately, glasses are small enough to be under every book, widely used enough to be in every room, handy enough to be unconsciously put into every box, drawer and cabinet. And they do not smell, so leave that poor dog of your neighbor alone. A war against tidiness is officially inevitable.

About another close relative, the latest invention of contact lens, I bet next time you are ready to crawl on the ground and caress every inch of your floor.

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